Patrick McGinlay's Internet Tendency

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JANUARY 7, 2005

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I have had Paul Sutton living in me for some months now, and for this reason I feel qualified to respond to his offensive, unpleasant and above all, untrue statements about me, made on July 27, 2004 at this website.

Mr Sutton makes continual references to myself as a "one horse town", part of his attempt to paint me as "boring", and my citizens as "hicks", or "white trash", as he puts it.

The truth could not be further from this blatant falsehood. Adelaide (if you'll permit my referring to myself in the third person) is in fact a city. I may be referred to as a small city -- I am home to just over 1 million residents -- but I defy Mr Sutton to argue against my "Big City" facilities and style.

From organ recitals to TISM concerts to the Adelaide International Horse Trials -- featuring more than "one horse", I assure readers -- I have cultural and recreational events comparable to any other major city in Australia, and I am certainly not subordinate to or derivative of Melbourne. Mr Sutton might consider visiting if he wishes to learn more about what I have to offer in the way of a "fresh vibe" and about interesting youth-targeted events taking place in me.

To address some of his more specific comments: the Clipsal 500 is no less than the biggest and best touring car event in the world, and the Adelaide Fringe is Australia's biggest arts festival, and the world's second biggest Fringe event (second only to Edinburgh), Mr Sutton's mockery notwithstanding.

Since Mr Sutton was quite happy to unfairly and "humorously" compare me to an unrelated city in another state, I wonder how he would appreciate my unfairly and humorously comparing him to an unrelated person in another state. For example, his onetime "neighbour", Daniel MacPherson.

Daniel MacPherson starred in the TV program "Neighbours" for four years, from 1998 - 2002, as Joel Samuels. Paul Sutton did not. Paul Sutton, in fact, has never been a featured cast member of any television drama serial! Isn't that funny?

Daniel MacPherson was a contestant in Cleo Bachelor of the Year in 2000, and shirtless photos I have located on the Internet indicate that he is a very handsome young man indeed. Paul Sutton has never been a contestant in Cleo Bachelor of the Year, and having seen completely nude photos of Paul taken shortly before his arrival in me, I feel I may say that Paul, physically, is no Daniel MacPherson. Don't we find that humorous?

Daniel MacPherson has gone on to appear in the UK touring production of the hit musical "Godspell", and, following this, got the role of PC Cameron Tait in long-running British TV program "The Bill". Paul Sutton, in comparison, has gotten extremely drunk and set fire to a number of things. Are we laughing yet?

Mr Sutton, I appeal to you directly: you and I, it seems, will be forced to live together for some time to come. Let us not spend this time flinging hateful mud at each other. Let us instead embrace each other. I will provide you a beautiful, interesting home if you will explore my possibilities fully. Who knows: perhaps one day you will be moved to call Adelaide your true home.

But in case my pleas fall on deaf ears, let me inform you that I have notified my police department of your location and tendencies, and they will be particularly alert to any disturbances caused henceforth by yourself or any of your visiting Melbourne cronies. Be warned.

With sincerest regards,
The City of Adelaide


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