Patrick McGinlay's Internet Tendency

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MARCH 14, 2005

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I liked Get Shorty, I thought it was funny, clever and entertaining so I expected the same from its sequel Be Cool - it wasn't close to what I had hoped.

This film leapt off the screen and devoured a man's balls.

The problem with this sequel is that it has been 10 years since the original film was made and I think it's lost some of the charm of the original.

The film had teeth as big as fenceposts, and the teeth pierced his nad-flesh like it was cappuccino foam.

There's an opening line from Travolta talking about how he doesn't like sequels and that only the studio wants them made, this little wink wink line to the audience made a few people laughed, I groaned and started to fear the worst.

After it chewed and swallowed the balls, it turned hungrily towards the rest of us; peon movie reviewers trapped in a small theatrette. I started to fear the worst.

So it's been 10 years and Chili Palmer (John Travolta) is now bored with the movie industry and decides to move over the music industry. He finds himself a very talented singer and tries to get her album recorded. The problem for Chili is she already has ex-mobsters representing her and the Russian mafia is after him for witnessing a hit.

It drooled. You can't imagine a rabid movie drooling, but I wouldn't lie to you.

I think the problem for Be Cool is it is trying to follow the major rule for a sequel, be the original movie but in an entirely new way but failing at the new way part.

We backed ourselves against our wobbly seats. The eager beavers in the front row bought it first, torn apart in a spray of blood and sick and intestinals.

It's trying to be slick and cool but I just see it as slow and boring. The scene with Steven Tyler really makes no sense to me, I turned to Dave and gave him a confused look and he gave me one right back.

Jake looked at me, his eyes filled with fear. I was concerned myself. "Don't make a sound," I willed Jake with my mind, "or that movie will be tearing into our tender testicles quicker than you can say 'moist man-bits'."

But this film does have its comedic parts thanks to Andre 3000, Cedric the Entertainer and Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson. Their roles are pretty funny but they can't save the film alone.

Could I save us all by myself? I leapt the shredded carcasses it had already wrought and slammed myself into the door as hard as I could.

I know Margaret and David like Be Cool but I really agree with them on this one, it's no Get Shorty and will never be.

No luck. The publicist had locked us in. This looked like the end for Jake and Dave. Sure enough, "Be Cool" ate balls. It was harsh, but sometimes, off the screen, there are no happy endings.

BE COOL stars John Travolta, Uma Thurman, Vince Vaughn, Cedric the Entertainer, André 3000, Christina Milian, Harvey Keitel and Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson. It's rated M and runs 114 minutes. It is currently in cinemas.


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