Patrick McGinlay's Internet Tendency

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JULY 29, 2005

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Formed during the heady days when parking inspectors were respected members of the community. Instructed by their superior officers to raise the morale amongst parking law violators, they began covering porn soundtrack classics such as the Theme from Cum Guzzling Asian Octogenarians 2 or the equally well known Indian Grandma on Indian Grandma Action 4. Covering classics like "Your Mother Uses Dog Shit As A Dildo" quickly led to Digby, D'Arcy & Drool being a jail house regular.

Unfortunately a turf war erupted between our heroes and another band called Bubba and His Bitches which resulted in a facial injury to Drool. Before the name was a joke, now it is a wet reality. Bubba has since become a transvestite monk.


Digby, D'Arcy & Drool are modern day losers. Sometimes they make music but most important they have GREAT fellatio abilities like Dave Smithson.

In a moment of ill-inspired passion and feng-shui Digby and D'Arcy implanted D'Arcy's beloved 1966 XP Falcon in Bubba's eyelid, from that moment on they knew they were bound for greatness. Armed with the now slightly specialized Drool they set out to take on the RSL circuit. Now not even equal opportunity employment laws could get in their way.

After being banned from eight successive retired serviceman leagues the world over they turned their collective Mrs. Palmer and Five Daughters to grand theft auto, because not only is it a great game for men with beards, parking inspectors enjoy it too!

Digby, D'Arcy & Drool enjoy froot loops and boozin' bloody well boozin'. They also enjoy wearing skivvies in their spare time - mostly weekends really. Their weekends are also spent popping corn. Strange hobby for mega rock stars you may think, but really, corn kernels can affect Digby, D'Arcy & Drool like no other substance…

Along came a rabbit in bootleg toe socks and a top hat and took their corn kernels away from them.

"You're addicted," he said. "This shit is worse than heroin - don't you know that? You dumbshits."

Then Sam comes in wearing crazy big glasses and stole all the corn kernels and crack and shared it with Shane & The Little Leprechauns. Timmy comes in and stopped Shane saying "I'm the Leprechaun," while shining a torch up at his face.

"You eat the wagon wheel, Biatch."

But the real biatch was the Papa Smurf of the crew. Papa Smurf and Drool are really bad, bad people - in that they love to go at it like a pig in a pigs pen - with a sheep dog watching. (Rough, rough)

Joel said "Go to sleep, Leprechaun, you crack smoking hussie." But the Leprechaun couldn't sleep because Strawberry Short Cake come in with a very short skirt and wanted it from the Sam leprechaun.

"Give it to me Sam, ah ha ah ha."

I am a pretense of a man. Because my stomach has been inundated by Captain Morgan. Now I hurt. Hunting is good but Dallas never hunted.

There are pies and there are pees, and the thing about pees is…
We all love peas and carrots.


Lenny Volkov is a respected novelist living in Notting Hill. He has the prescription for your blues, and is given to yelling, "I wouldn't lend THAT twenny bucks!"


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