- - - -
& DROOL; A
BY LENNY VOLKOV
& OTHERS, IBID, ETC
JULY 29, 2005
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Formed during the heady days when parking inspectors
were respected members of the community. Instructed by their superior
officers to raise the morale amongst parking law violators, they began
covering porn soundtrack classics such as the Theme from Cum Guzzling
Asian Octogenarians 2 or the equally well known Indian Grandma on
Indian Grandma Action 4. Covering classics like "Your Mother
Uses Dog Shit As A Dildo" quickly led to Digby, D'Arcy &
Drool being a jail house regular.
Unfortunately a turf war erupted between our heroes
and another band called Bubba and His Bitches which resulted in a
facial injury to Drool. Before the name was a joke, now it is a wet
reality. Bubba has since become a transvestite monk.
Digby, D'Arcy & Drool are modern day losers. Sometimes
they make music but most important they have GREAT fellatio abilities
like Dave Smithson.
In a moment of ill-inspired passion and feng-shui Digby
and D'Arcy implanted D'Arcy's beloved 1966 XP Falcon in Bubba's eyelid,
from that moment on they knew they were bound for greatness. Armed
with the now slightly specialized Drool they set out to take on the
RSL circuit. Now not even equal opportunity employment laws could
get in their way.
After being banned from eight successive retired serviceman
leagues the world over they turned their collective Mrs. Palmer and
Five Daughters to grand theft auto, because not only is it a great
game for men with beards, parking inspectors enjoy it too!
Digby, D'Arcy & Drool enjoy froot loops and boozin'
bloody well boozin'. They also enjoy wearing skivvies in their spare
time - mostly weekends really. Their weekends are also spent popping
corn. Strange hobby for mega rock stars you may think, but really,
corn kernels can affect Digby, D'Arcy & Drool like no other substance
Along came a rabbit in bootleg toe socks and a top hat
and took their corn kernels away from them.
"You're addicted," he said. "This shit
is worse than heroin - don't you know that? You dumbshits."
Then Sam comes in wearing crazy big glasses and stole
all the corn kernels and crack and shared it with Shane & The
Little Leprechauns. Timmy comes in and stopped Shane saying "I'm
the Leprechaun," while shining a torch up at his face.
"You eat the wagon wheel, Biatch."
But the real biatch was the Papa Smurf of the crew.
Papa Smurf and Drool are really bad, bad people - in that they love
to go at it like a pig in a pigs pen - with a sheep dog watching.
Joel said "Go to sleep, Leprechaun, you crack smoking
hussie." But the Leprechaun couldn't sleep because Strawberry
Short Cake come in with a very short skirt and wanted it from the
"Give it to me Sam, ah ha ah ha."
I am a pretense of a man. Because my stomach has been
inundated by Captain Morgan. Now I hurt. Hunting is good but Dallas
There are pies and there are pees, and the thing about
We all love peas and carrots.
Lenny Volkov is a respected novelist living in Notting
Hill. He has the prescription for your blues, and is given to yelling,
"I wouldn't lend THAT twenny bucks!"