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APOLOGIES TO YOU
BY PATRICK McGINLAY
February 5, 2002
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My readers,
I feel I must apologise for the lack of new content
here at McGinlay's. Much of the day-to-day work here has been delegated
by me to my crack crew of young writers. Unfortunately, they often
find themselves losing focus. This is a common occurrence among the
untried and inexperienced, even when they have genius-level intellects,
as I think a couple of them do.
Nevertheless, I have motivated a few of the staff to
write by setting them a quick exercise (just like in school!) -- what
did you do over the holidays, guys?...
Sincerely,
Patrick
JACOB ZHIVOV
this summer i went on a spiritial quest to tibet. On
my journey i met a strange wizard name Gildermor who sent me on a
journey to sort after the three keys of Isengild. These keys allowed
me to enter the Temple of Akbar. Once inside the Temple i had to search
for the 7 gems of Agildnar which would allow me to save the ent people
and free the monhearters. Once all these where free i completed my
journey for Gildermor and continued on my quest to Tibet where i met
some lovely people. The rest was pretty shit
DAVID BLUMENSTEIN
Patrick really shits me most of the time. That cock
never even looks at the internet. That's why I can insult him like
this. And even if he saw it... what's he gonna do? Fire me from my
job that pays me nothing? Idgit first class. Hell, I'm hosting this
stupid site. I could turn it off right now and the chump would never
know.
Still, I did want to mention the documentary "Standing
In The Shadows Of Motown". It's about Motown's house band, the
Funk Brothers, who played on virtually every hit song the Detroit
label put out in the '60s. It's pretty excellent, and virtually everybody
has heard and enjoyed a few of Motown's songs, so the film is worth
a look just for the kickass soundtrack. The remaining Funk Brothers
get together for a big concert featuring a bunch of different singers,
including Bootsy Collins and Ben Harper. Even Joan Osborne comes off
soulful and sexy in front of the Funk Brothers.
LENNY VOLKOV
Unlike most of my friends I did not make the journey
over to Perth, none of them went together, in fact they didn't even
meet each other over there, they just kinda went. I did most of the
usual Lenny things, worked, played cricket, invaded Spain, the usual
stuff. There were some highlights which I will endeavour to list for
you.
A week or two before Christmas I held a little BBQ called
"A Very Lenny Christmas". The main reason for this was because
I got a huge hamper from work including a very large turkey. As far
as turkeys go it weighed 36 kilos, but first it had to be cooked and
more importantly stuffed with Deb*.
This was fun by itself, but not as much fun as AVLC. Lots of fun was
had by all, there was wine and turkey. There was cricket and turkey.
There was Bissli
and Turkey. There was Soccer and Turkey. There were prayers and Turkey.
There was even a Christmas pudding**.
As the scenic surrounds of Caulfield Park got too dark to see and
Paul arrived after a hard day of pimping comedy tickets we sojourned
to the pub, where we proceeded to get even more drunk. But none of
this was the highlight. The highlight involved the aforementioned
pudding which was rescued by Bolton and made it with us to the pub,
where we added custard bought from Coles
and ate this disgusting feast (not turkey). There was some custard
left over after the pudding was discarded, which Rolex and I had much
fun throwing at cars. I put forward that no more fun can be had than
throwing custard at cars. Waiting on the side of Princes Hwy partly
obscured by bushes waiting for cars to come around the bend, giggling
like school girls and with a single swift flick of the wrist launching
creamy custard from the spout onto unsuspecting cars, hearing the
splat as it hits the cars, doing no harm but geez it's fun for an
immature mind.
I only got as far as one highlight.
* The person
not the potato mash.
** Luckily
for us the pudding that we ate wasn't a magical self-regenerating
pudding that went around on thin spindly legs swearing at people and
asking them to eat it, but instead it was a cute one rescued by Bolton.
