- - - -
I HAVE RECEIVED
AN IMPORTANT
MESSAGE FROM THE
PRIME MINISTER
BY DAVID BLUMENSTEIN
February 12, 2003
- - - -
This is incredible: I have just received AN IMPORTANT
MESSAGE FROM THE PRIME MINISTER.
I went out to the mailbox this morning, and there was
an envelope addressed to my parents which I don't know what it was,
and wrapped around it was a sealed plastic bag containing AN IMPORTANT
MESSAGE FROM THE PRIME MINISTER. Postage paid.
A shiver went up my spine as I considered what it could
be about. I fingered the bag lightly as thoughts of spy missions,
commendations and beautiful women bounced around my head. Normally
it's just the women, but today I received AN IMPORTANT MESSAGE FROM
THE PRIME MINISTER.
I jumped in my car, as I had a couple errands to run.
I headed for the post office, trying not to think about the IMPORTANT
MESSAGE. It must wait until I am safely at home, with the door locked.
You never know who might be around when you're reading
AN IMPORTANT MESSAGE FROM THE PRIME MINISTER., hoping to learn the
secrets contained within.
At the post office, I checked my P.O. box. Inside was
another IMPORTANT MESSAGE FROM THE PRIME MINISTER.
This guy must really want to talk to me! I wondered
why he didn't just call...
Of course!
My phones are bugged.
Maybe my whole house.
THE PRIME MINISTER. understands that the post is the
best way to reach me without the IMPORTANT MESSAGE being compromised.
I wonder why he wrote AN IMPORTANT MESSAGE FROM THE PRIME MINISTER.
on the front -- surely it would have been much more secret if he had
written something like AN IMPORTANT MESSAGE FROM YOUR MATERNAL GRANDMOTHER.
on it.
Still, THE PRIME MINISTER. knows best.
I bet you want to know what's inside.
You do, right?
...
Well, I'm not telling.
What?
...
Yes.
You're right.
...
I haven't opened it yet.
Well, it's because I'm frightened.
You heard me.
Frightened.
What if THE PRIME MINISTER. wants me to parachute into
Dr. Solaris' golden vault and find the important microdocuments?
What if THE PRIME MINISTER. needs me to ferret out a
dark conspiracy within his own political party?
What if THE PRIME MINISTER. tries to persuade me to
assassinate the reigning monarch of a country we don't like?
I don't know if I could handle the responsibility! I
appreciate that THE PRIME MINISTER. has enough faith in my abilities
to ask me to do these things, but I fear I am not the man he is looking
for.
I'm just going to put AN IMPORTANT MESSAGE FROM THE
PRIME MINISTER. between my mattress and bedframe, where nobody will
find it.
Then I'm going to wait.
If that fucker really wants to talk to me, he'll call.
