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SPRING
FASHION
FESTIVAL
2003: GIRLS
IN UNDER-
PANTS

BY LENNY VOLKOV
& DAVID BLUMENSTEIN
October 2, 2003

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LENNY VOLKOV

A young lady wearing a small T-shirt and underpants. Sporty.

I went to go see underwear models. Thanks Dave, thanks Patrick. I saw old businessmen sipping on beer whilst ogling girls wearing next to nothing, I was a young man doing much the same. The beauty of this was I could pretend to be too cool for school.

Now for the fashion; First came the selection from Love Kylie, which was slightly ill fitting on the sexy models. Although this looser look was quite effective, because it made you think of what was underneath. Next came Holeproof-ANTZ PANTZ, because everything is cooler when you replace the S with a Z. What they did make cool was the girl next door look, wholesome but still appealing and nothing too complicated, perhaps they were going for cute. BONDS came after, notice the lack of the Z, I think they were going for a sporty look, the models were wearing visors and bright colours. I'm still undecided about girls wearing briefs with Y-fronts though. The Sabi range, was full of drawstrings and reminded me somewhat of a slumber party. Especially with Salt 'n Pepa's Let's Talk About Sex playing whilst the models pranced wearing nought but drawstrings.

All of the above lingerie ranges were modelled without the wearing of high heels. I was somewhat shocked and disappointed at this. Although the underwear and models were still, for want of a better term, hot, I expected high heels. Sure I understand that most of this stuff would not be worn in conjunction with high heels unless there was clothing over the top, but that's not the point. All the garter belts and lace looked a whole lot sexier when the Smitten Kitten range came out complete with longer legs and high heels.

That said all the models and all the underwear were/was pretty sexy, but I can't help but feel somewhat dirty. Not because I was looking at girls in their underwear, that was purely professional, but because I still maintain that the most elegant person there was not any of the models, nor the PR girls or the fashion elite but a school girl of perhaps no more than seventeen, who with cool gaze and a shapeless grey blazer took the whole scene in, mulled it over slowly and walked out without ever batting an eyelid. Her simple movement and tied back hair outshone all the glamour that goes with golden highlights and golden skin.

 

DAVID BLUMENSTEIN

Patrick's cousin Chad checks out the arse on a model, as his wife Faye does not notice on purpose.

I was at the show in the guise of a photographer, so I stood at the end of the runway with my camera amongst the working photogs. At least two of them were hotter than the models.

I had a small flash compared to the other photographers, so I got elbowed out of the way when the dit-be-dit doof doof doof catwalkin' music started. Nevertheless, I did manage to capture a couple choice moments, notably Chad McGinlay (Patrick's cousin) tipping back a cold one as he eyed off the purty stuff. His wife Faye is used to this, and projected a studied ignorance of his roving eye, as seen above. Once the show was over, Lenny and I hung around for a few minutes. The women behind us were eager to have their picture taken, even if it was only by me, so I pretended to do so for their pleasure. A bit later I pulled out a McDonald's cheeseburger from my camera bag and started chewing it while staring directly at one of the women. She was slightly disturbed -- presumably she had never seen a famous photojournalist eat gherkin before. I felt important and masculine. Then we left.

 

The Melbourne Spring Fashion Festival is over.