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MY REVIEW
OF ADELAIDE
BY PAUL SUTTON
JULY 27, 2004
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Adelaide is a One Horse™ town. The reason it has
a One Horse™ rating so far is because I found $4 walking sticks
in a pharmacy here.
Now, any retiree worth their salt should be listing
Adelaide as the place to be. It apes all the good bits Melbourne has
and skips most of the crap. There are no commodore driving Chapel
Street wogs here. Adelaide has laid back members of the Mediterranean
Immigrants Group - herein referred to as MIG's, not to be confused
with crap Russian planes.
Adelaide has several events that indulge in Aping: the
Clipsal 500 is the white trash version of the Grand Prix; the Adelaide
Fringe Festival is a laid back affair that in Melbourne takes up three
separate festivals (Fringe, Comedy and Theatre); I'm pretty sure there's
other stuff but I've only been here for three weeks and not much has
happened.
Football is big here, but that is no reason to elevate
the rating above One Horse™. Football is big in country hovels
that wouldn't even rate as One Ass™ towns.
Glenelg, Adelaide's famous beach area, is again another
aping of Melbourne: the only tram in Adelaide travels from the city
to Glenelg which is a shallow mirror of all that is good about St.
Kilda. There are no prostitutes or drug dealers in Glenelg, it has
the trendy cafes without the seedy back streets. It does have Magic
Mountain instead of Luna Park. The shitty rollercoaster like attraction
at Magic Mountain is this aerial track that a device hangs off, you
sit on the device and pedal to go around the track.
MIG's and old people like to visit Glenelg, people who
work in large buildings in the city like to live in large buildings
in Glenelg. It is fair to say that if you want the real thing, live
in Melbourne. If you like cheap imitations, live in Adelaide. In my
next update, I will review some pubs of Adelaide.
Paul Sutton
Attorney
