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SUPER
ZHIVOV
3-PACK
BY JACOB ZHIVOV
JANUARY 18, 2005
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FILM: ELEKTRA
Hey kids, do you like martial arts? Do you like smarmy
old guys? Do you like smartarse 13 year old girls? Do you like mystic
prophecy stuff? Do you like Jennifer Garner in tight cleavage producing
clothing? Yes? Then you'll love this movie.
Set two years after Elektra's death in the Daredevil
movie we now find Elektra as an assassin for hire. She also now has
some really awesome abilities and seems to be really good at her work.
Elektra is hired for a job but after meeting Abby (Kirsten Prout)
and her father Mark (Goran Visnjic) she realises that she must help
them escape The Hand, an organisation intent on reigning evil over
the world.
Elektra is not a bad film however I just felt that it
was lacking something. Maybe it's because we're being inundated with
comic book movies and since many of them follow the same themes it's
just becoming all too bland. This film does do better than some of
the other comic book films I have reviewed…cough…League
of Extraordinary Gentlemen…cough.
I think the problem with Elektra is that it doesn't
have a longer run time. At 97 minutes it has to rush through some
crucial parts of the plot. Now, I've said this before but comic book
movies need to be longer if there are going to truly transfer the
comic to the big screen but understandably Elektra doesn't have the
following of the X-men or Spider-man and hence they need to be cut
down.
Elektra is in it's simplicity a mindless action film
you can sit, watch and ogle Jennifer Garner for 96 minutes. I enjoyed
it but I did come out of it wanting more but then again I read comics.
DVD: THE FIRING LINE (1991)
Dave went to the US and all he brought me back was this
lousy dvd. Now admittedly I love to watch shit TV and movies and there
is probably a good chance that any shit movie you point at in the
video store I have probably watched at some time in my life. Now having
said that, this was a pretty bad movie.
Dave's reasoning for buying me this movie was twofold.
One, Shannon Tweed was
in it and having been a Playboy Playmate of the Year meant that there
was a very good chance of nudity and two there was bound to be a lot
of explosions in this movie. Unfortunately for me there was no nudity
and not even the amusing stunt dying from the explosion could get
me into this American / Philippines movie.
For those of you who actually care about the plot here
it is, Reb Brown plays military adviser Mark Hardin (inventive name
isn't it) who changes side and helps out South American rebels when
their rebel leader was killed without trial. Now he is on run with
an innocent Sandra Spencer (Shannon Tweed) and teams up with the rebels
too. The funniest thing about this movie other than the stunt dying
is Brown's moustache.
Now I've watch a lot of shit in my time and mostly because
I was suffering from insomnia but this by far has been one of the
worse films I have ever seen. At least with the other shit like this
they compensate with pointless nudity and sex scenes in The Firing
Line we get nothing like that.
I would suggest going out and borrowing this from the
video store yourself to see how shit this is but I doubt any will
actually have it on their shelves and if they do, do you really want
to rent from such a place.
GAME: EVIL GENIUS
You know you have to buy a game when you see of the
back of it "Use ingenious traps and wicked "interrogation"
devices to toy with and dispatch obnoxious, overdressed government
agents." Well maybe you don't but I did, and with that being
said I forked over $69.95 for the pleasure of playing Evil Genius.
The aim of this game is simple, become an evil genius
and create a doomsday device. However being an evil genius isn't as
easy as you think, you have to ensure that you have plenty of minions
and devices to do your evil bidding. While you try to achieve you
objective you have to ensure that your evil lair has plenty of room
for your minions, the more you have the more you can use them for
evil tasks and acts of infamy. You also have to fight off government
investigators, agents and tourists.
Evil Genius is very much a cross between a 1960s Bond
villain and the Sims. You have to create cover operations to distract
everyone away from your lair and what you are doing.
This is a fun game but it really does require some patience
to play as often you are waiting on your minions to arrive somewhere
or get something before you do what you want. If you like playing
strategy games and you have a bit of evil streak then you'll really
enjoy this game like I do.
ELEKTRA stars Jennifer Garner, Terrence Stamp, Goran
Visnjic, Kirsten Prout & Will Yun Lee. It is rated M. Runs 97
minutes.
THE FIRING LINE stars Reb Brown & Shannon Tweed.
It's rated M and runs 91 very long mins.
Jake bought EVIL GENIUS at EB.
