- - - -
"DON'T MOVE,
DIRTBAG!"
A FANTASTIC
JOURNEY
THROUGH THE
WORLD OF
"POLICE
ACADEMY",
PART TWO:
MORE ABOUT
"POLICE
ACADEMY"
BY DAVID BLUMENSTEIN
April 1, 2005
- - - -
"Yes, 'MA'AM'!"
-- Sergeant Debbie Callahan
"So tell me, you and the wife do it doggie-style,
or what?"
-- Cadet George Martin
Time again to return to my thesis-style dissection of the Police Academy
movies, and timely, also, given that the next Police Academy movie,
number XIII, was announced as In Production eight months ago and we've
heard nothing since.
Now, I ended Part
One in the middle of my discussion of the first Police Academy
movie. I suspect this is bad literary form, but who wants to read
three hundred and forty-seven pages about the Police Academy oeuvre
in one go? Not you, I suspect.
Putting that to the back of our minds, let's meet the
rest of the new recruits, each of whom have been assigned one character
trait:
Eugene "Tack" Tackleberry (David Graf, sadly
R.I.P.) is Mahoney's new roommate. Previously a dangerously overzealous
nightwatchman, this uniquely American specimen (obsessed with guns,
mentality of a four-year-old) is at his best when helping members
of the public with menial tasks, as when an old lady asks him to help
her cat down from a tree (which he does, by shooting at it) or when
an irate woman asks him to stop a man smoking in the non-smoking section
(which he does, by shooting at him) or when a frustrated mother asks
him to force her son to get out of their car and go to school (which
he does, by smashing the car window and lobbing in a gas grenade).
Mahoney is at first frightened of this walking armoury, but soon finds
that he is not to be feared, since, unlike the other Academy cadets,
he never fires his weapons by accident.
Laverne Hooks' (Marion Ramsey) character trait is her
very small, squeaky voice. In reality, Ramsey is a fine singer (as
we hear in Police Academy 3), and, incidentally, wore a fat suit for
her role in this film.
Douglas Fackler (Bruce Mahler) is "the clumsy guy".
We meet him as he attempts to leave for his first day at the Academy.
His wife, Mrs Fackler (Debralee Scott), does not like the idea, knowing,
as we soon will, that he is highly accident-prone. He ably demonstrates
this by obliviously hitting Mrs Fackler in the gut with his suitcase,
then thumping her in the head with the car door. Mahler is the source
of much of the violent slapstick in the Academy series, having appeared
in four of the seven movies. He is otherwise best known for his recurring
role as the irritating Rabbi on Seinfeld.
Moses Hightower (Bubba Smith) is an enormous African-American
man who does not take kindly to those who would denigrate his race.
As in many films essaying characterisations of incredibly large individuals,
the huge (6' 7") Hightower is nothing less than a gentle giant
with a heart of gold, albeit one who loves nothing better than to
throw things long distances, especially in the service of social justice.
Incidentally, Bubba Smith (real name Charles Aaron Smith) was a professional
NFL football player in the '60s and '70s for, among other teams, the
Baltimore Colts and the Houston Oilers, and is as well known in the
United States for this and for his Miller Lite beer commercials ("Tastes
great, less filling") as for his role as Moses Hightower.
Hightower provides much of the heart in this and other
Police Academy films. Early on, he appears mostly as a huge, menacing
presence, but this is turned on its head when Mahoney learns that
his previous occupation was as a florist: "You know... flowers
and shit." Then he wakes Mahoney up in the small hours of the
morning because the police driving test is that day and he needs Mahoney's
help to learn how to drive. The two of them cruise the streets in
a stolen car with its front seats ripped out, hitting other cars and
fleeing from the (actual) police, and yet we still feel Hightower's
joy at having learned how to correctly use the clutch.
